I’m not here nor near neither happy nor sad regretful
past that larks in the corner of happiness
Painted smiles to the world not yet understood preexisting
stereotypes of a world that I was born into not chosen
Forgotten feelings thrown to the side not yet unmasked
to world on how I feel inside
I just want to be happy with a happy ever after but
bumpy roads ahead how could I be so naive I guess hopefully dreams will keep me
at peace while I cry myself to sleep in the pursuit of happiness
Hi Rachelle--the main thing I can suggest here is less explaning (of the "I'm sad..I'm happy" sort), and more showing(let attitudes emerge with specific detail and image; consider Bishop's "Armadillo," for example, where her metaphorical comparison of the flickering flame of a paper lantern to the fragile beating of a heart says much more, as an image, than she could ever say through general statement.
ReplyDeleteSo, my basic advice is, locate yourself in a specif place/situation/circumstance; begin with specific observations/images, and move from image to image--get down to earth, so to speak; as is, the poem hovers in an abstract and general place above actual experience)
btw--a great design!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your feed back
ReplyDelete